


Together

by civillove



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Canon Divergence, Episode Related, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2016-11-29
Packaged: 2018-09-03 03:27:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8694562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/civillove/pseuds/civillove
Summary: This is a continuation of 'Numb', another one of my snowbarry fics. It was requested by many that there be a sequel--this is it. --They only kiss the one time. 
Which…doesn’t seem right. Or fair. It’s not like Caitlin is keeping track or something (though, you can’t keep track when it’s only one kiss) but she just didn’t expect that to happen with nothing following afterwards. Then again, she doesn’t know why she expects anything predictable out of Barry Allen. 
That’s just not who he is.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Read 'Numb' first, you'll be less confused. It can be found here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/8648464
> 
> Also, once again, AU in the fact that Iris and Barry aren't dating. Dat boi is single, just for snowbarry feels sake.

They only kiss the one time.

Which…doesn’t seem right. Or fair. It’s not like Caitlin is keeping track or something (though, you can’t keep track when it’s only _one_ kiss) but she just didn’t expect that to happen with _nothing_ following afterwards. Then again, she doesn’t know why she expects anything predictable out of Barry Allen.

That’s just not who he is.

It’s not like there hasn’t been a lot going on, because there has been. Just because Barry pulled her back from the edge doesn’t mean that Central City has stopped being a beacon for meta-human activity and that Barry still isn’t the Flash. They both have responsibilities and obligations outside the bubble of one another.

His words still weigh heavily in her mind, that he cares about her and isn’t sure what would have happened if she would have fallen deeper into Killer Frost. Granted, he probably wouldn’t have been feeling much of anything because he’d be dead. She would have killed him.

It’s such a _Barry_ thing to do, worry about her. To put the weight of her world on his shoulders. He cares so much about people, cares about her more than she cares about herself. So willing to sacrifice anything and everything for her sake. He needs to stop doing that.

One day it will kill him.

It won’t be by her hands, not really, but the guilt wouldn’t feel any differently.

Regardless, they’ve both been busy. Working together on meta-humans, Barry helping Joe with cases regardless of the fact that he doesn’t _have_ a normal job anymore, and Caitlin working alone on controlling her powers.

She knows it kills him, not working for the police anymore. He was a nerdy scientist before the Flash—liked numbers and finding the answer to things just like she always used to love to do. Because if she didn’t feel guilty before, she has _that_ on top of her shoulders now, crumbling her spine. Crushing her.

She took that job away from him.

Barry will tell her that it’s okay, that he promised he’d protect her and that everything would be alright. But it forced him to make a decision, to give up the work he loves so much…for her. It disgusts her. And maybe that’s one reason why they’re not talking about that kiss. About the words exchanged between them—how can this be okay when she can’t apologize enough for the steps he had to take to keep her safe?

She doesn’t know how to talk about that. So she avoids it completely. Which is fine, because it gives her time and space to herself to work on controlling the mess of snow and ice that are her powers. A part of her whether she likes it or not. Barry and Cisco had insisted on helping but, she refused to let them.

No. She had to go about this alone. She doesn’t want anyone getting caught in the crossfire if she should lose control. And Caitlin doesn’t…want Barry to see her like that again. Like the girl who almost killed him…and would have enjoyed it too. No, that ugliness must be hers and hers alone.

At least she seems to be making progress. Very slowly and surely, figuring out what makes her meta-human particles tick. Her powers are tied to her emotions, which is not surprising. When she’s worked up her eyes gloss white, fingertips frosting fog. Anger seems to be the easiest trigger but one she doesn’t want to give in to.

That’s how Killer Frost gains control, how nasty thoughts and images and words spring from her mouth and an aching cold threatens to swallow her whole. She assumes other emotions work too, despair or desperation but she hasn’t tried those yet. Except for the one time when she saved Barry’s life and that tipped the entire scale in the wrong direction.

She wants to learn how to use her powers just because she wants to. For little things that require no effort or pungent emotions. Not tying the frost and the cold to negative emotions is what will make the difference. It’s the control she needs to not become someone she doesn’t recognize.

Someone who isn’t in control.

She just has to figure out how to get from A to C.

Caitlin sighs and closes her laptop. She’s had enough for the day. She needs to eat something because the coffee beside her has grown cold (luckily, she hasn’t turned it into ice) and she’s not quite sure how eight in the morning became two in the afternoon.

She stands from her stool and goes to turn around for her coat when Barry is there, zoomed in from another room. He startles her and her hands react before her brain has enough time to catch up with her actions. Frost shoots from her fingers and he zooms out of the way, behind her, while she successfully turns some medical screens into a block of ice.

“Goddamn it, Barry.” She snaps, her eyes flickering between warm coffee brown and static white, like electricity. “I told you not to sneak up on me.”

“Sorry,” He offers a small, sheepish smile, glancing at the lab equipment before looking back at her. “You know, I remember a time when you used to like when I snuck up on you.”

Caitlin laughs a little, runs a hand through her hair before shaking her head. “You made that up.”

Barry shrugs his shoulder, doing his best to look nonchalant. “I would never do such a thing, Dr. Snow. Me zooming in unannounced used to be charming. You’d huff and fix your hair, kinda like what you’re doing right now.”

She sighs and rolls her eyes, tucking some hair behind her ear. “It’s different now. I could hurt you.”

Barry looks unconvinced, “You can’t hurt me.”

She swallows and takes a step back from him, wrapping her arms around herself. “I think we both know that’s not true.”

He doesn’t appreciate the space she’s trying to create between them and takes a step forward, reaching for her. He wraps his fingers around her forearm, gently pulling her closer despite how she tries to resist.

“I run at a warmer temperature, remember? I’m not afraid of your cold touch.”

Caitlin buckles into the warmth of his hands, his presence, wanting to lean against him completely. He’s not wrong, exactly. On the surface, she seems to be running lower in temperature, cold to the touch. It’s something biological that she doesn’t think she can change at this point. It’s permanent. She’s not sure if always _feeling_ cold will be something that stays, though, or if it’s just transitionary.

Regardless, Barry seems to be the only one that doesn’t seem to mind. Not that anyone else will tell her otherwise but she _sees_ how Iris or Cisco flinch if she brushes against them accidently. No one likes to feel cold.

“It’s not my cold touch I’m afraid of.” She mumbles under her breath, “It’s everything else that comes with it.”

Barry’s hands rest on her shoulders, slowly moving down and up in a comforting motion that creates heat from the friction. She barely feels it.

“What’s the possibility of you hitting me if I said, ‘the cold never bothered me anyways’.” He whispers, his voice teasingly light near her ear.

She shivers from his breath coasting down her neck but then laughs, quite suddenly, because of _course._ Of course that’s something Barry says—always trying to make her feel better, comfortable, like she belongs right where she is. Usually in his arms.

“High. Very high.” She pushes against his chest but he doesn’t allow her to push him away.

He grins down at her, their height difference stark and obvious with her tucked against his body like this. Their eyes meet and she…suddenly wants to say everything and nothing all at the same time. Before she has a chance to, however, Barry slowly pulls away from her and reaches for whatever he had in his hands when he came in.

“I brought you this.” It’s his STAR labs sweatshirt, he unfolds it and holds it up to her. “I thought you might need it.”

A soft smile tugs at the ends of her mouth because, in moments like this, she somehow knows that she’ll be okay. Even if her and Barry never figure out what they are to one another, even if they keep pushing moments under the rug and kissing but never talking about it, touching in ways that somehow need no explanation—Barry will always be _Barry._

And that’s enough for her. That’s enough to get her through one moment to the next.

“Please, I’m freezing.” She admits and he helps her put it on. Her settles the fabric over her head and holds the bottom of it while she pushes her arms through the sleeves. They’re a little long on her thanks to Barry’s tall and lanky form but she rolls them so the material rests comfortably at her wrists.

Barry smiles, something quiet and intimate, like he enjoys seeing her in his clothes and curls her hair around her ear as she frees it from underneath the sweatshirt. He then tugs her forward, throws her a little off balance so she has no choice but to rest her hands on his chest. She flinches, doesn’t want to touch him, regardless of the fact that he insists he’ll be alright.

He wants her close, she can see that when she looks up into those green eyes. A kind forest green, of summer days reflecting in a clear pond. Her breath sneaks out of her lungs, their proximity creating a rush of warmth in her veins, something she hasn’t felt in a long time.

Something she hasn’t felt awakened since their kiss.

“Barry,” She whispers—an invitation or a warning, she’s not sure.

Barry leans down, brushes their lips together, heat crawling down her spine. He waits, gives her time to pull away but her legs won’t move, she’s not sure if she even wants them to anyways. Instead, Caitlin leans up on her toes and presses her lips against his, her arms wrapping around his shoulders. She can feel the slight smile against her own mouth, her fingers twisting in the hair against his neck.

They pull back after a few moments, Barry’s mouth tinged blue, a puff of air visible as it leaves his mouth as if he’s out in the cold. She touches his lips with the tips of her fingertips, a flush crawling down her neck.

“Sorry.”

He smirks a little, shaking his head. “I think we found a way to warm you up.” Barry teases, his hand wrapping around her own, his thumb rubbing along her fingers.

Before she can say anything, the universe finds her way to interrupt them—because that’s what the universe likes to do, interrupt and sabotage when she feels as if she’s finally gotten it together. Cisco comes running into the lab, his shoes sliding on the tile.

“Caitlin, I need you to take a look at this—” Then his mouth falls open because, oh, he hadn’t…expected Barry to be there. The taller turns to look at him, not letting her go. “Oh,” His eyes fall to where Barry’s hands are still on her own, “ _Oh_. I uh…was just calling you…” He says, referring to Barry, putting his cell phone back in his pocket, “Guess I don’t need to do that anymore.”

Cisco laughs, a little awkwardly, the tension building like a thick wave of fog between the three of them. He rocks back and forth on his heels before he finally opens his mouth again.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

A ‘you didn’t’ comes out of Caitlin’s mouth the same moment an ‘it’s alright’ comes out of Barry’s.

Cisco just clicks his tongue off the roof of his mouth, “Right. Well. Wanted you to take a look at these wonky readings.”

Caitlin sighs softly as Barry pulls away with a soft smile, following Cisco out of the room and into the main belly of STAR labs, all the monitors focusing on energy readouts. Of course it’s another meta-human, it has to be, it’s a day ending in Y after all. She’s just glad Cisco dives right into what he’s found rather than pry about what he just walked in on, though, she has a feeling that will come later. When Barry isn’t around.

“From what I can tell, this guy is breaking down the chemical makeup of objects, raising heat signatures all over the city.” He points to red blinking circles spilling out on a blue digital map on one of the screens.

“He’s melting things.” Caitlin mumbles, “And starting fires because of it.” She runs a hand through her hair before pulling the sleeves of Barry’s sweatshirt down over her fingertips. “Do we know who it is yet?”

“Joe will be here soon with the details. Apparently this guy tried to melt a police cruiser of some on-duty cops tonight outside the station.” Cisco opens and closes his mouth, “Is _Mr. Melt_ too on the nose for a meta-human nickname?”

Caitlin laughs softly, shaking her head. “I think you can do better.”

She turns as Joe and Iris walk in, Joe looking tired and haggard, like he hasn’t had a proper night sleep in days. She understands that feeling all too well. Iris is a vision as always, long beautiful hair tied up in a loose bun. A soft smile for Barry before her eyes turn on her. There’s a careful nature to how she’s looking at her, like she’s not quite sure she can trust her.

Caitlin gets it; with everything she’s done lately, she’d be a little wary too. She does approach her however and ask how she’s feeling to which Caitlin shrugs and tells her that she’s taking it one day at a time, that’s all she can handle.

“Alright, this is who we’re dealing with. Picture off of CCPD surveillance matches up with this guy,” Cisco brings up a photo of a handsome man, smiling, clearly not who you’d expect to be running around the city melting things for the pure pleasure of it.

She frowns, taking a step closer to the monitors…something about his face. She recognizes him…though, she can’t quite put her finger on it. Dr. Jamie Brandt. She wraps her arms around herself, staring at the picture like it might come to life and tell her. Jamie Brandt.

“Any idea why he’d attack the police station?” Barry asks.

“None.” Joe sat down in one of the chairs in front of the monitors, running a hand through his salt and pepper hair. “All we know is that he put two guys in the hospital for severe burns.”

Caitlin studies the photograph, the rest of the conversation disappearing from her attention. She digs in the back of her mind, where she sees fluttering images of this guy; she knows his laugh, the warmth of his touch. They were friends.

Oh.

They were _friends._

“Cait.” Barry’s hand on her lower back jolts her attention back to the rest of the group. “You alright?”

“Yeah, I…I think I know him.” She swallows, “No, I do know him. I went to school with him. It was…it was a long time ago but,” She looks up at him, her face pinched with worry and uncertainty.

Barry glances at Cisco and Joe before encouraging her to continue, “Do you know why Jamie would attack a police station?”

She shakes her head, “The Jamie I knew wouldn’t. He was…he was kind, gentle. He wanted to have his own pottery business when he grew up I—” Her fingertips settle on her lips, her eyes glazing over the screens again as more heat signatures pop up in the city. “I don’t know why he would do this.”

Cisco makes a soft sound before bringing up a file on one of the screens before them, “Looks like Dr. Brandt had his daughter taken away from him by social services after his wife died in a suspicious house fire.”

Joe swivels in the chair, “He’s probably looking for her.” Barry’s hand is a little more pressured on Caitlin’s lower back, but she thinks it’s absentminded because when she looks up at him his face is trained on the screens.

She chews on her lower lip, “I don’t think he would have hurt his wife. If his powers are anything like my own…the first time he activated them, it was probably an accident.”

“Was it an accident at the police station too?” Iris speaks up from behind them, her eyes lingering on Barry’s arm resting against her waist.

The room is suddenly very quiet; Caitlin can’t even hear anyone breathing. Even Barry. She clears her throat and rubs her hands together. “No, of course not. I just…think that maybe he’s desperate. And his emotions are affecting his powers.”

“That’s quite possible—” Cisco starts to say before Iris crosses her arms over her chest.

She interrupts him with a pointed, “Or maybe you just don’t know him as well as you think you do.” Tension builds very quickly between everyone in the room, it’s thick like cotton. Caitlin feels like it’s almost choking her. “This isn’t the first time that meta-human powers have warped someone’s personality.”

Oh. So this is what this is about. Caitlin can feel Barry’s body tense against her own. She knows where Iris is coming from. She almost killed Barry, almost killed the boy she loves. Because regardless of them growing up as siblings, she knows what kind of person Barry is. It’s very hard not to fall in love with someone like him.

Iris doesn’t trust her, which Caitlin doesn’t blame her. Sometimes she feels like a ticking time bomb put on pause, ready to be reactivated at any moment. Still, something in her urges Iris to continue. She wants to hear her say it out loud.

“What is that supposed to mean.”

Iris is quick with her response, “I think you know exactly what it means.”

“Iris.” Barry’s voice is clear and sharp, he wants her to stop. Though Caitlin can’t tell if it’s for her own wellbeing or because he’s worried that Killer Frost will somehow to be activated by a heated conversation.

“I’m sorry, Barry. But it’s not like she didn’t almost try to kill you.”

And there it is. She’s not sure if she’ll ever be able to live that mistake down. She knows from experience that sometimes ‘sorry’ just doesn’t cut it. That ‘sorrys’ don’t always fix everything, that some things are too broken and too damaged beyond repair to be saved with an apology.

She takes a step back from the group as Cisco’s voice breaks the awkward conversation; more heat signatures are popping up, this time stronger than before—and near a social work building. Barry takes one look at her, a silent conversation being held between them.

_I have to go._ There’s a pull between two things—between being a hero and not wanting to leave her.

She always knows what his choice will be. She gives a slight head nod, _I know._ Before he disappears in a flurry of electricity.

000

Caitlin slips away from the others and goes back into her lab, needing some space to take a breath. She also finds it extremely nerve-wracking to watch the screens sometimes when Barry is out in the field. And with her powers not exactly as controlled as she wants them to be, the last thing she wants to do is turn something into ice. If Cisco needs her, he’ll call her, so taking a few moments for herself should be alright.

Except, it’s not all to herself because she hears gentle heel clicking behind her and turns to see Iris making her way into her lab. She swallows, sits down on one of the stools and waits for the other woman to say something.

She’s struggling with what she wants to say, Caitlin can see it on her face. She almost saves her the trouble when, “I’m sorry.” Comes out of her mouth. “I can’t imagine what you must be going through and how hard it’s been.”

Caitlin doesn’t interrupt, even though a part of her wants to tell Iris that no, she really can’t imagine what it’s been like. What it’s _still_ like to acknowledge that a part of you wanted to kill someone that you care about. That you love. That it was a breath away from happening. That it still could. Sometimes she feels like Killer Frost is some sort of cancer, waiting within her, dormant but easily awakened.

“Barry is just…”

“I know,” Caitlin whispers, “I know. If I would have…”

She can’t say the words; saying it makes it real, right against her chest. A hole there dug into her very ribcage. She’s admitted it to Barry even though he was _there_ experiencing every second. But to admit it so willingly to someone else, to Barry’s _family_ is something completely different. She can’t do it.

She shakes her head. “I would have never forgiven myself. So I get it. I really do. You don’t trust me.”

“I want to.” Iris says, taking a step towards her. She’s radiating heat, she can feel it from where she’s sitting. It’s like the cold in her picks up on heat signatures, craves it somehow. Like her body isn’t capable of producing it on her own anymore.  “For Barry. For you.”

“It’s just going to take some time,” Caitlin smiles softly, “I understand.”

Iris nods a little, sitting on a cot where Barry usually ends up when he’s injured. She curls a strand of hair back behind her ear, chewing on a hidden conversation underneath her tongue. Caitlin has a feeling she knows exactly what it’s about.

“Is something going on between you and Barry?”

Caitlin isn’t sure what she wants to hear. Honestly? She’s not too sure herself either. “Definitely something.” She laughs a little, rubbing the back of her neck. “Though I’m not sure what.” She watches Iris a moment, trying to gauge a reaction out of her—but she can’t read her as well as she thought she could.

“I’m sorry,” Caitlin mentions after a moment, “That’s probably not what you wanted to hear.”

Iris smiles softly but shakes her head, “I may not be able to trust you, yet. But I do trust Barry. He’s a pretty good compass when it comes to certain things.”

A silent moment passes between the two of them, a comfortable quiet reached and maintained.

“Except when it comes to lattes.” Caitlin says after a moment, looking over at Iris. “He’s rather terrible with selecting those.”

A gorgeous laugh sneaks out of the other’s throat, as if it almost surprises her. “You’re not wrong with that one.”

She feels Barry’s return before she sees it, that typical rush of air that throws her hair to the side. She fixes it with one hand as she turns to look at him, his mask hanging like a hood, his own hair looking windswept.

“How’d it go?”

Unfortunately, all she has to do is look at his face to get the answer: not well.

Barry sighs, sitting next to Iris on the cot. “He’s not willing to listen to much reason, I can tell you that much.”

Caitlin doesn’t like the angry looking scorch marks on Barry’s suit next his collarbone and neck. She frowns and stands, rolling her sleeves to her elbow and grabbing some medical gloves to slip on.

“I’m alright.” Barry tells her as she starts to peel back the leather to get a better look but Caitlin is determined to check.

“I’m not sure I’d be very levelheaded either if it had something to do with my daughter,” Iris comments absently as Caitlin gently runs her fingers along Barry’s collarbone.

The taller jolts a little before a soft laugh escapes his lips, “Sorry. Cold.”

Caitlin smiles sheepishly, a kiss of blush flowering along her cheekbones. “Right of course. Almost forgot.” She rubs her hands together, hoping it will help. If it doesn’t Barry never says a word. She touches his skin again and chews on her lower lip in concentration.

None of the singed material seemed to reach his skin, which she’s grateful for. She wonders if Jamie has to touch someone or something for it to melt or if he can control it from a great distance. Either way, she feels sorry for him. Every meta-human didn’t ask for this, didn’t ask for their entire lives to be changed or mutated into something they don’t recognize anymore. She wonders how many more people are out there, just in waiting until their powers awaken.

Caitlin swallows—she has to remember to include herself in that, in the meta-human population. She sometimes forgets that she is, in fact, one of them. So used to being able to take a step back from it all. She can’t do that anymore.

“Cait.” Barry pulls her attention back, her fingers still lingering on his collarbone. The skin is slightly tinged blue and she snaps her hands back in alarm. Did she really do that? Just by losing her concentration?

“Oh God, I’m sorry Barry.  I didn’t realize I was…”

“It’s okay.” He tries to take her hand in his but she won’t let him, pulls back and takes the gloves off.

Caitlin shakes her head, avoiding his gaze. If she looks into his eyes for too long she’ll stay. She’ll let him comfort her, wrap his arms around her, lips on her forehead, lull her into a false sense of trust. It’s not that she doesn’t think Barry really believes what he’s telling her—but she herself is afraid to hope for too much.

No, she needs to leave STAR labs. She needs time to think.

“I have to go. I need some fresh air.” She says and grabs her coat, her heels clicking noisily against the tile.

“Let her go.” Iris’s gentle voice echoes after her.

Barry doesn’t follow.

000

Barry hates not following after her. He hates that she feels so alone with what she’s going through. She’s not. He knows what it’s like to have powers greater than himself, to be afraid of them. What it’s like to feel unsure.

There’s something darker inside of her at play, however, he gets that. But the last thing she needs to do is shut him out. To push him away. Something cruel and cold, like fresh ice, trying to punch its way out of her chest. But she can’t go at this by herself. He’s never underestimated how strong she is, it’s not about that—sometimes you simply just _need_ another person to lean on.

Barry wants to be that person.

He wanders back into Caitlin’s lab as he pulls on his STAR labs t-shirt, pausing a moment as he sees Iris in the exact same spot he left her. He thought she might leave with her father, or be hovering over Cisco as he works on his suit.

“She hasn’t come back yet.” A soft blush crawls up the back of Barry’s neck. Is he really that obvious? “Yes,” She laughs softly, “You’re that obvious.”

“Don’t go start reading my mind, Ms. West.”

She grins, “I’ve always been able to read your mind Barry, you wear how you feel on your face and on your sleeve pretty consistently.”

He smiles sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck, like that may help banish the permanent blush that wants to take up residence there.

“She’ll come around,” Iris gently takes a hold of Barry’s wrist, squeezing. “She just needs time. Space.”

He hums a little, taking on that scolding persona that Joe often embodied when they were kids. “It will also probably help if she doesn’t feel like she’s being judged when she’s amongst friends.” Iris sighs but nods her head.

Barry knows that things were very close to getting a little heated back around the screens. Iris is protective of him; she always has been. Joe too. He knows how much they worry about him on a daily basis with being the Flash and with the added combo of someone close to him, someone Barry cares about trying to kill him? Probably doesn’t provide much comfort to their anxiety.  

His hand covers hers, “She’s struggling as it is, she doesn’t need us to doubt her.”

Iris pulls back and stands, letting out a slow breath. “I know, I apologized. I got carried away.” She smiles a little, ruffling his hair, “Sometimes I still see you as that gangly first grader who used to fight off bullies with his lunch box.”

Barry laughs, “That always used to earn me a punch in the nose.”

She cups his face, her thumb running across his cheekbone before letting her hand drop. “You’ve come so far, haven’t you?”

He nods a little, “I have. That’s why I don’t want Caitlin to give up on herself. We’ve been through so much together.”

Iris chews on the inside of her cheek, “How’s it going? With her and her powers?”

They haven’t had much time together. For whatever reason, Caitlin won’t allow him to help her when it comes to regulating her powers. She doesn’t want him to see that ugliness tucked down within, trying to buckle out of her ribcage. He gets that. He gets that more than she knows. He recognizes it because he’s struggled through something similar before. There’s nothing more painful than clawing against something you can’t change.

“She’s having trouble using her powers because she wants to. It’s reactionary.” Barry touches his collarbone absently, can still feel the brush of her fingertips like a breath of cool air. “I’ve been trying to tell her that she has to embrace them, they’re a part of her now. If she doesn’t…”

“They’ll struggle within her,” Iris nods, “Break free when she least expects it.”

“Who knows who she could hurt. Including herself.”

There’s a space of silence between them, a lingering of words left unsaid. The possibility of what could happen filling the small space of Caitlin’s lab.

“At least you two can figure it out together right?” Barry has a feeling Iris is referring to a lot more than just Caitlin’s powers. She’s always been observant and well, she’s right, he’s always been rather obvious when it comes to how he feels.

He smiles softly, “Yeah. Together.”

000

Caitlin does a lot of driving around. It’s calming to her, to feel like she’s getting away from something so effectively. To take a turn here and a bridge there to fulfill the sensation of running. Sometimes she wishes she was Barry, with how fast he could run. He could literally be anywhere in the world in a second, as far away from problems as miles and miles could take him.

Yet, he rarely took the opportunity.

She supposes she understands that; Barry is the Flash after all. He can’t run away from his responsibilities and never look back again. He can’t forget about the city he wants to protect even if he wants time away.

Caitlin wonders how he does it. How he balances being the Flash and Barry Allen so well. She wouldn’t be able to do it. No, that’s quite clear.

She thinks about Jamie a lot as she pauses at traffic lights, hesitates on turns. She wants to help him, more desperately than any other meta-human they’ve come across. And maybe it has something to do with the fact that she knows him…but she has a feeling it has everything to do with the fact that she _wants_ to prove that a meta-human can be brought back from the brink.  Like she was. That he can be saved.

Caitlin ends up outside a cemetery after a little research. She thinks that if she was Jamie, this is where she’d end up next—at the grave of a loved one, desperate for hope. Guidance.

She wanders through the graveyard with her arms wrapped around herself. This could either be a smart idea or an extremely bad one. The verdict is still out. Or who knows, maybe she has no idea what Jamie could be thinking and he’s not even here.

She hates the fact that she left STAR labs like that, that she keeps pulling away from Barry when he keeps trying to let her in. She’s afraid to lean too heavily on his assurances, afraid they might freeze and snap under her touch like toothpicks. She trusts him, it’s not about that…it’s about trusting herself.

That’s what she’s having trouble with.

Caitlin thinks her cemetery idea isn’t all it’s cracked up to be until she passes a mausoleum—and sees Jamie. Knelt in the grass and leaning against a tombstone, clutching the granite like it might give him the answers he needs. She doesn’t need to announce herself, because he hears her, suddenly standing up. Wild and angry that he’s been intruded on. He’s been crying, his eyes are red-rimmed; or maybe it has something to do with his powers, she’s not sure. The tips of his fingers are glowing red too, as if he’s ready to strike.

“Dr. Brandt, please—” Caitlin takes a step back from him, hands in front of herself as a shield.

“How do you know who I am? Who _are_ you?” He snaps, eyes wide and alert, like he expects the police to show up at any moment.

No one is coming. Maybe she should have texted Barry, or at least Joe so someone knew what she was up to.

“I’m…I’m Dr. Caitlin Snow. We used to know one another, college remember?” Her hands are shaking. She knows that she could probably defend herself if she needed to. But she doesn’t want to _hurt_ Jamie either, not unless it’s a last resort. “We were friends.”

“Friends,” Jamie spits, and what looks like lava drips from his fingertips, singeing the grass below. “You’re just saying that, you just want to get my guard down.” He takes a step towards her to which she matches with a step back.

“I’m not!” Her voice shakes but she stands her ground, she _will_ get through to him. “I’m not. You used to have a dog. Her name was…it was Pepper. You’d go home every break we had so you could see her. You even snuck her into the dorms once!”

Jamie pauses, a flash of remembrance passing over his face. He squints his eyes at her, though she can’t tell if he’s doing that because it’s dark or because he’s sizing her up, trying to figure out if he should trust her or not.

Caitlin pushes her luck, continues, “I want to help you.” She swallows, “Please just, let me help you.”

“Help me?” He scoffs, “How can _you_ help me? Can you get my daughter back? Do you know where she is?” Jamie advances on her, so suddenly that she doesn’t have time to equally react. She stumbles back, trips over a gravestone and lands, hard, on the grass.

It knocks the wind out of her.

“Can you bring my _wife back?”_ He snarls, moving to grab her off the ground. “Because if you can’t, there’s nothing you can do.”

“I’m friends with the CCPD. I know someone, he’s—he’s a father too. If you just _talk_ to him I’m—”

“I knew you were part of the police, very stupid of you to come alone.” Jamie grabs her hair and tugs, a gasp of pain leaving her lips, “I’m not letting you run back to them. They can’t…try and stop me again. I need to find her. Don’t you understand?” His fingertips glow red, eyes fading into an eerie black, she can smell her hair burning. “I need to find her.” His voice sounds like coals crackling in a fire.

Caitlin whimpers, reacts in a way she only knows how, her body taking over. Her eyes flicker an icy white before her hand grabs at Jamie’s wrist. Instant reaction; the sizzling and smoking of extreme heat meeting extreme cold.  He screams and drops her back into the grass, a detached gurgling noise rising from his throat.

“Bitch!”

She doesn’t turn away fast enough because his hand comes back down and cracks her across the jaw, another sizzling sound rising from the action. Her head snaps back, the force from the hit enough to roll her over in the grass. He doesn’t burn her because her skin is still ice cold but that doesn’t stop it from hurting.

Caitlin blinks, her vision blurry. Her head is swimming with pain; Jamie has to be ready to grab her again soon. Maybe even burn her this time, melt the skin right off of her body. She tries to crawl away, braces herself for more when—suddenly, Jamie is screaming as he flies through the air.

Barry kneels down next to her, his hand cupping her face, thumb brushing over her jaw. She can hear the echoes of sirens in the distance. Of course it’s him. He and Cisco must have been watching heat signatures—how they spiked when Jamie attacked her or dipped to sub-zero when she fought him off.

She should have done more; she was almost embarrassed she hadn’t. So concerned that she didn’t hurt someone else that she nearly risked her own life.

“You okay?”

Caitlin nods softly, her hand resting gently over the one on her face. “Jamie?”

Barry stands, helps her up. She leans against a tall tombstone and feels something wet against the corner of her mouth. She must be bleeding, her tooth slashing the skin of her lip when Jamie hit her. She looks for him, amongst the trees and the graves. She sees movement, stumbling to her right.

“Dr. Brandt, please. We can help you. We can help you find your daughter.” Barry promises, CCPD cars starting to pull up around them, flashing blue and red lights. Joe runs out first, his gun drawn, many cops following his actions.

Jamie shakes his head, looks around at his predicament. The anguish in his face is something Caitlin doesn’t think she’ll be able to forget.

“You can’t help me.” He chokes out, looking over at her, their eyes meeting before he glances down at the grave of his wife. “No one can help me.”  

And before Caitlin can stop him Jamie very pointedly puts his hands on his face, melting his skin, turning his own powers against him.

“No!” She screams, lurching for him. An arm quickly wraps around her waist and stops her from reaching him, Barry holding her back for her own good. “No, stop! Let me go!”

Jamie’s screams pierce her ears; it’s not until his head starts to turn to black tar and then ash does she stop struggling and turn into Barry’s chest. Her hands grip the leather of his suit, her eyes squeezing closed. She can feel his arms wrap around her, his hand resting gently on the back of her head.

It’s not until Joe gives Barry the go-ahead to leave does she feel the world shift around her. Barry picks her up in his arms, her face never leaving his shoulder and zips out of there.

It’s a while until she stops hearing Jamie’s screams.  The echoes stay with her and embrace her like old friends.

000

Barry takes her home.

He sits her down on the edge of her bed before he’s gone and back in a flurry of electricity, his suit replaced with a pair of jeans and a red sweater. It looks soft; she wants to hide in it. Burry herself in his chest, hoping that maybe she’ll stop hearing the sound of Jamie’s skin sizzling.

Barry sighs softly, kneels down in front of her. He gently pokes at her knee, fingers lingering against the inside of her thigh.

“What can I do?” He asks, voice warm and gentle. Comforting in a way that almost makes her want to cry.

She shakes her head, lifting her hand to run her fingers through his wind swept hair. “I don’t know,” She says honestly, is quiet for a long moment. “I’m still…I still can’t believe that happened.”

Barry nods, curling her hair around her ear so he can see her jawline. There’s an angry bruise brewing there, she can feel it, her lip cut at the corner. “I really wish you hadn’t gone after him on your own.”

“It wasn’t my plan, exactly,” She swallows, “I thought I could talk to him. I thought he’d listen.” Her hand falls to his shoulder, playing with the collar of his shirt.

“You should really put something cold on that.” He’s referring to her face.

She laughs suddenly, short and dry. “Are we sure I need to? I’m basically my own freezer.”

Barry grins, “I’m not taking any chances and have your cheek swell up like a balloon.”  

A frozen pack of peas suddenly appears in his hand and Caitlin fixes her hair as it blows onto her face. “Sometimes I think you just like to come up with stuff so you can zoom away to get it.”

He presses the peas against her cheek, “I mean, it _is_ fun to run,” Barry smiles, “Feel like a pastry from France?”

Caitlin laughs, shaking her head, leaning into the frozen peas against her cheek. “I’d rather you stay exactly where you are.”

Barry takes her hand and presses a kiss to the back of her palm. They sit in silence for a while, soaking in one another’s company. He’s waiting for her to talk about what happened, she can see it playing out on his face. But he’s patient, takes care of her first, prioritizes.

“Did Jamie…” She trails off, voice quiet. Doesn’t want to finish.

He picks up on her train of thought, “He’s gone.” He swallows, “He uh, it was a chain reaction. His body disintegrated. Turned into ash.”

Caitlin sniffles, pulls back from the frozen peas. Barry sets them down on the nightstand, his hands resting along either side of her. “I could have stopped him, you know. There was a moment after he hit me that I…considered it. Like I considered killing you.” She shakes her head. “I could have fought him and I would have won.”

Barry watches her carefully, moves to sit beside her. He gently touches her chin, as if to encourage her to look at him. “Why didn’t you?”

“You should have seen him, Barry. He was so consumed in his feelings that he let his powers devour him.” She closes her eyes, letting out a slow breath through her nose. “I don't want to end up like that.”

His reply is instant. “You won’t.”

Caitlin smiles a little, opens her eyes to look at him. She consistently wonders how someone stays so genuine after going through so much. She taps the end of her finger against the tip of his nose, “How can you be so sure?”

“Because we’ve got one another.” He squeezes her hand and regardless of the fact that her skin is cold, he doesn’t pull away. “And I know we can figure it out together.”

Caitlin likes that prospect, that promise of more. Of something better. Of getting her life back and it not feeling like it’s slipping through her fingertips second by second.

“Together.” She whispers and leans against his chest to kiss him. Slow and heated. Just like the first time.


End file.
